he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
