So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
