is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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