Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
