when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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