I wanna bring you to show and tell
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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