the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize