so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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