I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
