I hate all girls vehemently.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
