i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
