I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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