oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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