I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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