the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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