The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
