So drunk its hurt
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
