her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize