capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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