when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
