I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
