i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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