Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
