Sry I called you an 8
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
