okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish you could order shots online.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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