anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
ugly people sure do ruin things
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
