Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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