Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
