My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
