Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
