I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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