The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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