I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize