i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
