Someone shit on the floor
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
