I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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