Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
