AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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