I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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