It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
