How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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