she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
