you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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