it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
