I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
