Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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