so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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