Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
