I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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