I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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