her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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