Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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