i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it because I queefed?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
