I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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