I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
