apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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