I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You are a genius and a whore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
