Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
