I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
