Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
