sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
