College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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