I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
