I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
