I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
