So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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