I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
