i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We were destined to go to rehab together
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
