She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
