I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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