I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
