my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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